Call me "Shrek" (not the Ogre!): Discovering a Body After Babies (Day 107)

For dinner tonight I made Randy and the kids chicken marinated in Greek dressing, mashed potatoes, and peas.  I went to group power at the gym and came home and treated myself to a new protein shake.  (Recipe to come in Round 2 of Protein Shake Recipes.)

A part of me struggles with this because I never thought I would be someone to replace a meal with a shake.  To me, that screams "diet", "Slimfast", "something-that-will-never-work-and-makes-you-look-desperate-to-lose-weight."  I never wanted to be there.  And I'm not, really.  I am not dieting or on Slimfast or anything like that, I am merely challenging myself.  I'm challenging myself to learn about myself.  The whole protein shake thing started as a way to actually get a good, healthy breakfast into my body in a way that would fit my lifestyle.  (See Day 86.)  Then, Randy and I started a 31-day fitness challenge together and we decided to challenge our eating habits, also.  It's an attempt to make a few minor long-term lifestyle changes, but starting off with a "bang", and then easing ourselves back into a more comfortable place; somewhere in between where we were and where we are now in this challenge.  So the protein shakes for me have become more than breakfasts, they are meal-replacements--once a day.  So today I thought I would replace my supper since I would be at the gym and after a resistance training class, a protein shake is a pretty good meal.  I made eggs and toast for breakfast (that was a huge morning victory for me)!  So here we are.  In the midst of this challenge, I've been forced to learn about my body.  I've also been forced to lean on God--looking to Him when things get tough. ("When I am weak, You're strong.") I've decided to share those thoughts because I think many women in my place in life can relate and many women older than me have "been there."

Pregnant with Abby

I don't think I've ever actually stepped back and thought about what my body needs.  Ever.  I've thought about what my body needs when pregnant.  I've thought about what my body needs while nursing.  I've thought about what my unborn and newborn babies need.  But I can't recall ever thinking about what my body needs.  Period, by itself.  In the last 4 years (the time Randy and I have been married), there have been only 6 months that I haven't been pregnant or nursing (the first 6 months of our marriage).  At that time, I was NOT thinking about what my body needed.  I was thinking about what my new husband needed, I was loving having a kitchen all to myself to indulge in my love of cooking and baking, and loving having a husband to eat all my yummy treats!  Of course, I ate them too, and started gaining weight.  It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant that I started to think about my weight.  Weight had never been much of an issue for me in the past.  Sure, there are things I don't like about my physical appearance (we all have them) but weight just wasn't one of them until that point.  I felt myself start gaining weight quickly.  I was very nauseous during that pregnancy.  I kept eating to make the nausea subside.  Even when I started getting physically sick around the clock, I didn't really lose weight.

Waiting, with Abby

Of course, my body didn't "bounce right back" after my pregnancy, but I did get back to where I was pre-pregnancy rather quickly.  Though I really wanted to get back to pre-marriage weight.  That didn't happen.  I couldn't "diet" because I was nursing and concerned about my milk-production.  I didn't really have time to go the gym anymore, either.  Before I was done nursing Abby, I got pregnant again.  I wasn't as nauseous, and I didn't gain as much "body" weight, but that kid was HUGE!  At a cute and chubby 10.7 lbs and 22 inches long, Noah stretched my belly pretty far!  And that, my friends, is the obvious hurdle.  It's never as easy to come back from your second pregnancy.

Let me be clear, now, that I am not at all ashamed of a "mommy tummy."  I don't wish to go back to a time of never having stretchmarks or an "extra layer."  I don't think any woman should be ashamed of her body--ever.  This is not about trying to pretend I never had kids.  But it is about learning what my body needs just for itself, not for the lives of the little ones that have been dependent on it in the past.  Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about:

Meeting Abigail Sue

I caught myself one day thinking, "I better eat something before I go to bed so I sleep on a full stomach."  What?!?!  Everyone knows that you don't want to eat right before bed!!!  But why did I think that?  Because when I was pregnant, if I didn't sleep on a full stomach, I would wake up dry-heaving.  And with infants, we try to get them to go to bed full so they sleep longer.  When did I translate that mindset to my own body?  Do you see what I mean?  I need to learn what my body needs and what its own cues are, without another little person being in charge of it. 

I've always known that I eat when I'm bored.  I love food.  I love preparing it and eating it.  I love watching people prepare it on TV (while I'm eating it at home).  It never used to matter that I ate when bored.  I may still be in my twenties, but it matters now.  It's not okay.  It's not what my body needs.  For the first time in a long time, I'm not eating anything after about 7:00 at night.  At first I thought, "I'm starving!"  Then, the next night I realized that my body wasn't really telling itself that it was hungry, I just wanted to eat because I like to at night, but I wasn't aching for food.  There's a difference between wanting to eat and needing to eat.  Sure, it's okay to eat when you want to now and then, but not on a regular basis.  My problem, also, has been not knowing enough about calorie-intake.  I didn't know how many calories I typically burn in a day or how many I should be taking in.  While pregnant and nursing, I knew I needed more calories, but I didn't even know what that meant.  I'm learning about that, now.  I want to be more educated and better equipped to take care of my body by itself and when there is a little one dependent on it.

Pregnant with Noah

The fitness challenge is also teaching me what my body can do.  Being pregnant limits your body in some ways.  Nursing can, too.  I've never had so many bodily aches and pains as I did after Noah was born.  He was a big baby, so lugging him around all the time and slouching over nursing around the clock took a toll on my back and shoulders.  I need my body to be stronger, with a tighter core, in order to go through another pregnancy and postpartum phase without many aches and pains.  I love the way my physical therapist friend explained to me (in the midst of my severe pain) that if you stick a bunch of toothpicks in Jell-O they won't be very strong.  That's how it is with our limbs if our core isn't strong.  Having 2 babies can definitely turn your core into Jell-O.

There's a trend leaning toward the fitness world, lately, which I think is wonderful!  So many people I know are on fitness plans.  I've also seen a lot of ads, posts, statuses, and heard comments (myself included) about mommies trying to "rid" their tummies, stretchmarks, or whatever else ails them.  (As I type, I just heard a "tease" on the radio about the quickest way to lose weight--"details after the next song".)  But we tend to do too much comparing of ourselves to others.  We tend to put ourselves down too much.  I am majorly guilty of this--ask my husband.  I focus on that tummy altogether too much!  It's hard, but I'm learning to let go of the flaws of my body and focus on the needs of my body.  And what my body doesn't need that I had been in the habit of doing.  So will I be disappointed if my body isn't exactly bikini-worthy at the end of a month or two?  Maybe.  But if I can have more confidence in what I know about my body and how to take care of it, and exercising that knowledge, hopefully that will become my new ideal.

Abby meeting Noah

I mentioned earlier how this process has forced me to lean more on God.  Have you ever heard the true story of Shrek the sheep?  I'll post a link below to an article about him.  Long story short, he's a sheep in New Zealand who was hiding in caves for about 6 years away from his shepherd.  Because of this, his wool grew and grew and eventually weighed an extra 60 pounds.  And all he needed to do to shed that extra weight was return to his shepherd.  "'I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me--just as the Father knows me and I know the Father--and I lay down my life for the sheep.'" John 10:14-15

When I think of women who are confident in Christ, themselves, and knowledgeable about their bodies, eating habits, and fitness, a few come to mind.  One is a good friend of my husband's and of mine, Sara Guerard.  She is a personal trainer (as well as her husband) and I will post a link to her facebook page at the end of this post, also.  She would be a great contact for anyone interested in learning more about getting in shape and taking better care of themselves.

"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:14

Last summer, hitting the pavement after baby #2!

For the article about Shrek the sheep: http://franthony.com/2013/10/the-story-of-shrek-the-sheep/

Sara Guerard's page: https://www.facebook.com/SaraGuerard

For a handful of my protein shake recipes (so far): http://bethanysmeals365.blogspot.com/2014/05/day-103-protein-shakessmoothies-part-1.html