The Weekend (208, 209, 210): Chinese Food, Meatball Subs, Eating Out and House Projects

Someone recently described our current situation as "camping renovations" and I thought, Yep, that

Upstairs kitchen.  Ours looks pretty much the same.

pretty much describes it!  Though I had never put it that way in my head before.  Right now, I feel like we are functioning and surviving--not really living.  Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end.  Here are some project updates and my thoughts about our current situation...

You'll never be able to escape "Mommy Guilt."  It's all around us mothers and from what I've heard from other grandmothers, "Mommy Guilt" never goes away.  Ever.  Ever.  That's a scary thought because I've been experiencing some extreme Mommy Guilt lately.  And I'm going to keep capitalizing it because it's that extreme.  If you've never experienced Mommy Guilt then let me try to describe it, though I know my words won't do it justice.  Mommy Guilt is a constant pitt in your stomach telling you that you're doing things wrong, that somehow, some way, you're screwing up the life of your child.  You have no right path because in your mind they all end with your son or daughter resenting you for the rest of your life.  And as extreme and far-fetched as this might sound to someone who is not a mother, well, it is.  It is extreme and far-fetched, but that doesn't make the feeling any less real.  When you are under the spell of Mommy Guilt, all you do is wonder if you're making a mistake and wishing you could've or will remember to do things differently in the future.  Social media plays a HUGE roll in Mommy Guilt.  Articles are passed around (on my newsfeed, usually by non-mothers) written in accusation or judgment of other mothers or parents.  For those who read these articles, it leaves we who are prone to severe Mommy Guilt wondering: should I really be dressing my child in gender-neutral clothes (and where can I get those/what does that even look like); am I screwing my daughter up because I bought her a doll instead of a truck; what should my response really be when she wants me to give her a different colored sippy cup after I've already poured hers, her brother is screaming, and I have a headache; and why is my second child so different--do I treat them different or are they just that opposite of their sibling or what kind of combination of both???  And, will my kids grow up to hate me???  (Side note: as Christians, I think we need to tone down the parental judgment and passing around of judgmental articles.  I don't know any mother who wakes up WANTING to screw up their kid everyday.  All the mothers I know try their hardest and more to raise their kids.  Every mother is her own harshest critic and instead of "liking" a bunch of judgy articles, maybe we can vamp up the passing around of grace.)

Tearing down wall paper border in the upstairs living room.

I digress. ;)  My specific form of Mommy Guilt has been these stinking renovations and my inability to (or unwillingness to) do all the fun things I wish I was doing with my kids right now.  Sure, we've had plenty of fun beach and lake days, and we used to go to the park on a regular basis.  But now that we're in the new house, I haven't taken them to the park or the lake once.  I JUST washed our towels and bathing suits from our last (pre-move) lake day yesterday.  I've let the novelty of being in someplace new entertain my kids while I wash, paint, tape, paint, organize, paint, and... you get it.  But I think that novelty is wearing away.  I feel The Guilt whenever I work on the house while they're awake--I wonder if I'm forcing them to entertain themselves TOO much.  I know a little is okay, but I don't know when I'm crossing that line.  I feel guilty every minute of the time they're asleep that I'm NOT doing house work.  Is it wrong for me to watch my weekly hour-long show with a bowl of ice cream when I could be painting for an hour?  It feels like it is.  And don't even get me started on the kitchen/food situation.  I cook about half as much as I used to, if that.  I can blame it on the state of my current kitchen, but my guilt derives from the fact that I didn't plan ahead.  I think, "I should have 10 freezer meals ready to go and 10 more Crock-Pot recipes to use."  After both births of my children, I didn't have to cook for weeks due in part to 1) home-cooked delivered meals and 2) my own freezer meals that I made ahead.  Why didn't I think to do that this time?  Every time I don't cook or I feed my kids a less than balanced meal in our chaotic state, I feel guilty.  We don't have a kitchen table in the kitchen, so we usually eat in the office/playroom (where our table is set up).  But sometimes we just eat in the living room in front of the TV, and I feel guilty for that.  Our routine is so out of whack.  I've only been on one run since moving and I haven't gone to the gym yet.  More Guilt.  I know this is only temporary but The Guilt is so strong.  I pray that this burden can be lifted somehow, but as long as our house is "unfinished", I don't see The Guilt going away.  I don't mean to sound depressing, I am actually pretty content with the way things are coming along, and I am seeking the Peace of my Savior, but Mommy Guilt has it's own way of creeping up--it really has a life of its own.

I had a minor victory this weekend when I made meatball subs that my husband raved about.  The benefit was that we were able to have them twice in a row.  Friday night the kids had their own meal and Randy and I ate Chinese food while watching one of our shows on Netflix.  Then on Saturday, we worked on the house all day and had some help come along in the late afternoon.  I had my meatballs and sauce cooking in the Crock-Pot all day and for supper we all enjoyed some meatball subs with American cheese; chips, and veggies with dip.  Then on Sunday Randy and I and Noah (Abby was at a birthday party with my mom) had them for lunch.  Only that time, I was out of American cheese so I used fresh mozzarella.  Because mozzarella cheese is better melted (it gets nice and stringy as opposed to "spongy" when it's cold), I layered it on the sub rolls first and then stuck them under the broiler for a few seconds.  Then I put the meatballs on top and then more mozzarella.  Then back under the broiler until the cheese was nice and melted.  So yummy!!!

New cabinets residing in our porch.

Today, Monday (Day 211), I fed the kids their own supper of macaroni and butter (yep, another "guilt" meal) and Randy and I indulged in some of the nice cheeses and crackers that were given to us by our realtor along with some other finger food and wine after the kids had gone to bed.  We are also painting like mad men upstairs.  The goal is to have that apartment ready for September 1st.  Over the weekend I washed all of the walls and primed everything that needed it.  (The cabinets were blue and the upper part of the walls were blue.)  All of the hardware came off of EVERYTHING.  Some of the trim has been started, and I started painting the cabinets and the kitchen walls.  Randy painted the bathroom.

Progress!

Today I finished the cabinets and finished the kitchen/hallway walls.  I also had 3 showings of the apartment.  I managed to not only find a plumber but he came to the house to do an assessment and he also does electrical work and will be back on Friday to replace some light fixtures.  Score!  Overall, it felt like a very productive day.  Did I mention that I took the kids grocery shopping and to Dunkin' Donuts where we sat inside to eat our donuts and drink (my) coffee?  That was our treat for the day.

I have a very busy week ahead of me with appliance deliveries, plumbing and electrical work being done, I want to continue painting upstairs, and Randy and I are supposed to demolish our kitchen this week so the floors can go in over the weekend.  It looks like my only appointment-free day will be Thursday so pray for sun--I desperately need to take my kids to the park or lake!

Abby likes to peel the wall paper in a room I can't even think about touching yet!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30