Thoughts on Letting Your Husband Minister to Others

So I had a realization a couple of nights ago that made me take another look at myself and the expectations I have on my husband.  Please allow me to take a break from my usual food blogging to share these thoughts with you...

My husband is extremely out-going, friendly, and charming.  He loves people.  He loves to love people and minister to them.  And I love that about him.  It's a huge reason why I fell in love with him in the first place.  He knows intimate things about people I would consider acquaintances--I'm always shocked when he comes out with a random fact or detail about someone I never knew and would probably never know had it not been for Randy's conversations with him or her.  He talks about Jesus with any stranger and regularly has conversations about God with delivery men or people he meets in waiting rooms.  He is amazing.  Why would I ever want to squelch that?

But at times, I do hinder him--because we have 2 little children.  We all know that kids can be handful, especially at a public event.  I get annoyed with my husband when he is not right by my side, helping me tend to our children; when I am the one who has to feed both of them and myself and he only has to worry about himself.  I get angry when I am "clearly" in need of assistance and he is too busy talking to someone to notice.  But I need to stop getting annoyed and angry with my husband for ministering to other people besides our children and me--we aren't the only ones who need him.

I know that many women have felt what I often feel.  Why am I stuck caring for our children while he's off talking, having a good time, and acting like he doesn't even have kids?!?!  But the truth is, he's not acting that way.  He knows that his children are being well taken care of.  By me, his wife.  And he also knows that they would be just fine if even I didn't hover over them so much.  If I felt called to minister to someone else at that time, it would probably be another mother, and what better witness than to have my children with me?  If I wanted to talk to another person, it would probably be another mother, and we would care for our children together.  And the fact is, our kids are fine and I don't need to be so crazed about tending to them.  Let go, Bethany.  (See, I'm talking to myself.) ;)

My husband has been given the gift of evangelism.  It is his calling to witness to others.  That isn't exclusive to other non-Christians.  Witnessing can also be done to and with other Christians--witnessing is simply showing the love of Christ to others.  That's what my husband does on a daily basis.  Who am I to step in his way?  And do I really want to be the cause of this wonderful quality and gift disappearing--because he doesn't want to upset me?  Of course he has a responsibility to his family, and he takes that responsibility seriously.  Sometimes he needs to follow my lead, and step in and help me with our kids.  But more often, I am the one who needs to follow his lead and back off of my children (and him) a little--look around me and see if there are people I should be reaching out to as well. I'm not talking about abandoning my children or neglecting there needs, or by any means saying that it's okay for husbands and fathers to do this, but hopefully you get where I'm coming from.

The thing about having a gift of evangelism is, you don't just see opportunities for yourself.  My husband will be the first one to suggest that I go and talk to another woman, or he'll be the first to volunteer to watch our kids so I can get some quality time in with a friend in need or a friend I need time with.  So even though at times it may feel like he's abandoning me, that's just not the case.  And I have to remind myself that he'll come back around, share an amazing story with me, and then tell me he'll watch the kids and I should go talk with people.

And the even better thing about having our kids out at one of our church events is, there are dozens of other mothers and fathers who all watch each others' kids as if they were our own.  There are never less than 20 eyes on my children and it's the same for our friends' kids.  Randy and I have been truly blessed by our brothers and sisters in how we minister to each other by parenting all of our children.

I'm learning that sometimes we need to step outside our tiny little nuclear families and realize we are all a part of God's family, and figure out what our roles are in the bigger picture.